No Mistakes

When perfectionism feels like crushing death.

At school recently my daughter’s class was reading Beautiful Oops! by Barney Saltzberg, a book that teaches kids mistakes are opportunities, not failures.

And while I LOVE this message, and encourage my kids to try and fail often, for me, mistakes are not beautiful oopsie daisies… they feel like death.

Mistakes feel like proof that my inner critic is right: I'm not good enough.

And if you are a perfectionist, too, this one is for you.

For years I wore perfectionism as a badge of honor.

I listed it among my strengths at interviews, telling employers that I was highly organized and would go above and beyond.

I always give 110%, I make sure things get done right, and my attention to detail is unmatched.

And while perfectionism does have its upsides, like high ambition and determination, it can have a really steep downside.

One that can feel paralyzing.

Now, I just wrote a book in which I talk about the grip of my own perfectionism.

But when it was time to hand that book over, in what can ONLY be described as a perfectionism-death-spiral, I started rewriting insignificant words and entire pages.

Convincing myself it wasn’t good enough, it wasn’t ready, I needed to “fix it.”

It wasn’t perfect.

"Last edit, I promise." I emailed my editor on the MORNING of print day...

Ok, clearly I had forgotten that I just wrote a book about how I loosened the grip of perfectionism. But that's ok, because (shouting this from my rooftop 📢) I didn't HEAL perfectionism.

"Healed" is just another impossible goal like "perfect."

And, as they say "New levels, new devils"... or really, new levels, same old devils resurfacing in more sophisticated clothing.

Anyway...

The most difficult part of perfectionism is that there simply is no such thing as perfect.

It doesn’t exist.

The bar will always move.

But if you’re a perfectionist you know the endless hunt for perfect.

The Olympic pressure to perform and not mess up.

And the crushing weight if you do make a mistake.

So, if you are a creative, an artist, an entrepreneur, or just feeling so stuck on something because it's not perfect yet, consider this: what would it feel like to just say "it's good enough, I did my best" and click send/publish/or sell?

Breathe.

I know that can feel impossible. But do it, then do it again, and again, and over time it does get a little easier.

I created a neat little system for myself that I will share with you... because as perfectionists, don't we just love when a list starts with the SAME letter?

The Four S's that help when it comes to moving through perfectionism paralysis:

1. Say It: This is good enough.

2. Shake It Out: Get up, change your scenery, go for a walk, move your body, and just give yourself a different perspective.

3. Surrender: Notice what is actually within your control, and then call in your spirit team and angels to handle the rest.

4. Self-love: Show yourself the same love and kindness that you would a friend who was feeling stuck, or not good enough, what would you say to them?

This week, or even just this day ahead, can you surrender the perceived control you think you have, and invite in more ease, more joy, and more self-love?

Try it. Let me know how it goes.